To dance or not to dance. . .

A few weeks ago an acquaintance from church asked if I was interested in joining a Lindy Hop dance class with a group from church (Woodruff Road and a few others). My initial reaction was a definite "NO," (introvert, etc) but since I was drowning in work at the moment, I didn't reply immediately. After puzzling for a half hour, I made the inexplicable decision to give it a try.

Five lessons in, I've found it to be quite a bit of fun. I did expect dancing 'around the room' (with all the young ladies in the room) to be quite awkward, but I haven't found it so.

I grew up with the cultural expectation that 'you dance with family'; that is, with your wife, fiancée, sister, or mother (like the time Dad was out of town and Mom didn't want to miss the ballroom class). This cultural mismatch presented a challenge; I knew there were significant differences between the way that I was used to thinking about dancing and the way that the other members of the class (and fellow members of my church) were thinking about dancing. I had to consciously remind myself that dancing with a young lady does not (as I had been used to thinking) communicate intent or exclusivity on either person's part; this took some getting used to.

With this newly formed bit of culture still fresh in my mind, I walked out of the classroom environment and into the Handlebar (the local live bluegrass/swing dance joint). I didn't see anyone dancing any steps I recognized, so I figured I'd watch for a spell and wait for a slower song. A few minutes turned into an hour and it wasn't until I was driving home chatting with my sister that I realized why I hadn’t jumped it.

Dancing is enjoyable because it allows a person to communicate with their partner via physical contact (it's called haptic communication). In many ways this is analogous to a conversation; when I talk with someone, I'm enjoying their mind by communicating with words. I'm exploring what and how they think. Dancing is similar expect the communication is physical, not verbal. Just as you become familiar with a person's mind by talking with them, you become familiar with a person's body by dancing with them.

Herein lies the rub; I grew up expecting the physical familiarity of dancing to be incompatible with an relationship of neutral friendship. This is less of a problem in the academic classroom environment since everyone's focus is on learning the moves and correcting technique. At the Handlebar the focus is on enjoying the dance with your partner; totally different.

Apparently none of my classmates have this 'cultural mismatch' problem. They all appear perfectly comfortable enjoying the dance for it's own sake, and aren't bothered by the physical familiarity they're experiencing with their partners.

Culture can be such a troublesome thing. We automatically assume that the people around us all hold the same expectations as we do; big mistake. Secondly, culture varies so inexplicably: I know people who feel that a dinner invitation is more personal than a dance (!), people who find phone conversations more personal than working on a school project together (?), and people who would never consider an email correspondence with 'mixed company’ but are comfortable staying up 'till 2am talking in person (?!). People are strange.

So, there it is. Progress has been made, but outside of class dancing for dancing’s sake still seems strange. Maybe I’ll get over; I’ll have plenty of opportunity in the Lindy Hop 2 class coming soon! I can say I’m looking forward more than ever to dancing with my special ‘her,’ wherever I manage to find her. I hope she picks up some dance lessons along the way; if not, we’ll be back in class.

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Your thoughts (disagreement, flamers, hatemail, etc) are welcome.

The Doctrine of Hydroxyethane

I've recently had an interesting email exchange with some friends of mine regarding the Christian position on alcohol consumption. Our exchange was precipitated by an offhand remark made in the sermon that was the subject of my previous entry.

Their position (total abstinence) could, fairly I think, be summed up in two arguments:

1. All of the positive references to wine in scripture (Psalms, SoS, Cana, etc) don't really mean wine. . . they mean something else, and
2. since alcohol is so dangerous, Christians should abstain to avoid causing other to stumble.

To the first argument, I don't have much to say. I have to agree with another Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill sermon (summary here) in saying that (paraphrase), "If God had meant grape juice, how would have said 'grape juice'; He said 'wine,' he meant wine."

In the second, I really like Luther's witticism: 

“Do you suppose that abuses are eliminated by destroying the object which is abused? Men can go wrong with wine and women. Shall we then prohibit and abolish women?”

I imagine that in the course of our email exchange, the fact that I feel rather strongly about this topic became obvious. My insistence is based on philosophical grounds, not personal. I disagree with their position and I dislike hearing scripture misused; they probably feel exactly the same way. I'm thankful that we can still be friends, despite our disagreement (but don't get us started on paedobaptism!).

After this exchange, another interesting point was brought to my attention; I don't drink and when asked I usually say, "I don't like the taste, and I have too many expensive hobbies already." Both these statements are true, but I think there's a third that may be more significant; the possibility of being even slightly buzzed frankly scares me. I already carry the fear (slight but present) that I'll say something stupid or worse into almost every social situation; the last thing I need is to "relax" even slightly. I do wonder if this is a positive character trait, or a negative trait that needs to be repented of.

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future subject: dancing! (oh this should be good)