To dance or not to dance. . .
A few weeks ago an acquaintance from church asked if I was interested in joining a Lindy Hop dance class with a group from church (Woodruff Road and a few others). My initial reaction was a definite "NO," (introvert, etc) but since I was drowning in work at the moment, I didn't reply immediately. After puzzling for a half hour, I made the inexplicable decision to give it a try.
Five lessons in, I've found it to be quite a bit of fun. I did expect dancing 'around the room' (with all the young ladies in the room) to be quite awkward, but I haven't found it so.
I grew up with the cultural expectation that 'you dance with family'; that is, with your wife, fiancée, sister, or mother (like the time Dad was out of town and Mom didn't want to miss the ballroom class). This cultural mismatch presented a challenge; I knew there were significant differences between the way that I was used to thinking about dancing and the way that the other members of the class (and fellow members of my church) were thinking about dancing. I had to consciously remind myself that dancing with a young lady does not (as I had been used to thinking) communicate intent or exclusivity on either person's part; this took some getting used to.
With this newly formed bit of culture still fresh in my mind, I walked out of the classroom environment and into the Handlebar (the local live bluegrass/swing dance joint). I didn't see anyone dancing any steps I recognized, so I figured I'd watch for a spell and wait for a slower song. A few minutes turned into an hour and it wasn't until I was driving home chatting with my sister that I realized why I hadn’t jumped it.
Dancing is enjoyable because it allows a person to communicate with their partner via physical contact (it's called haptic communication). In many ways this is analogous to a conversation; when I talk with someone, I'm enjoying their mind by communicating with words. I'm exploring what and how they think. Dancing is similar expect the communication is physical, not verbal. Just as you become familiar with a person's mind by talking with them, you become familiar with a person's body by dancing with them.
Herein lies the rub; I grew up expecting the physical familiarity of dancing to be incompatible with an relationship of neutral friendship. This is less of a problem in the academic classroom environment since everyone's focus is on learning the moves and correcting technique. At the Handlebar the focus is on enjoying the dance with your partner; totally different.
Apparently none of my classmates have this 'cultural mismatch' problem. They all appear perfectly comfortable enjoying the dance for it's own sake, and aren't bothered by the physical familiarity they're experiencing with their partners.
Culture can be such a troublesome thing. We automatically assume that the people around us all hold the same expectations as we do; big mistake. Secondly, culture varies so inexplicably: I know people who feel that a dinner invitation is more personal than a dance (!), people who find phone conversations more personal than working on a school project together (?), and people who would never consider an email correspondence with 'mixed company’ but are comfortable staying up 'till 2am talking in person (?!). People are strange.
So, there it is. Progress has been made, but outside of class dancing for dancing’s sake still seems strange. Maybe I’ll get over; I’ll have plenty of opportunity in the Lindy Hop 2 class coming soon! I can say I’m looking forward more than ever to dancing with my special ‘her,’ wherever I manage to find her. I hope she picks up some dance lessons along the way; if not, we’ll be back in class.
Your thoughts (disagreement, flamers, hatemail, etc) are welcome.
Five lessons in, I've found it to be quite a bit of fun. I did expect dancing 'around the room' (with all the young ladies in the room) to be quite awkward, but I haven't found it so.
I grew up with the cultural expectation that 'you dance with family'; that is, with your wife, fiancée, sister, or mother (like the time Dad was out of town and Mom didn't want to miss the ballroom class). This cultural mismatch presented a challenge; I knew there were significant differences between the way that I was used to thinking about dancing and the way that the other members of the class (and fellow members of my church) were thinking about dancing. I had to consciously remind myself that dancing with a young lady does not (as I had been used to thinking) communicate intent or exclusivity on either person's part; this took some getting used to.
With this newly formed bit of culture still fresh in my mind, I walked out of the classroom environment and into the Handlebar (the local live bluegrass/swing dance joint). I didn't see anyone dancing any steps I recognized, so I figured I'd watch for a spell and wait for a slower song. A few minutes turned into an hour and it wasn't until I was driving home chatting with my sister that I realized why I hadn’t jumped it.
Dancing is enjoyable because it allows a person to communicate with their partner via physical contact (it's called haptic communication). In many ways this is analogous to a conversation; when I talk with someone, I'm enjoying their mind by communicating with words. I'm exploring what and how they think. Dancing is similar expect the communication is physical, not verbal. Just as you become familiar with a person's mind by talking with them, you become familiar with a person's body by dancing with them.
Herein lies the rub; I grew up expecting the physical familiarity of dancing to be incompatible with an relationship of neutral friendship. This is less of a problem in the academic classroom environment since everyone's focus is on learning the moves and correcting technique. At the Handlebar the focus is on enjoying the dance with your partner; totally different.
Apparently none of my classmates have this 'cultural mismatch' problem. They all appear perfectly comfortable enjoying the dance for it's own sake, and aren't bothered by the physical familiarity they're experiencing with their partners.
Culture can be such a troublesome thing. We automatically assume that the people around us all hold the same expectations as we do; big mistake. Secondly, culture varies so inexplicably: I know people who feel that a dinner invitation is more personal than a dance (!), people who find phone conversations more personal than working on a school project together (?), and people who would never consider an email correspondence with 'mixed company’ but are comfortable staying up 'till 2am talking in person (?!). People are strange.
So, there it is. Progress has been made, but outside of class dancing for dancing’s sake still seems strange. Maybe I’ll get over; I’ll have plenty of opportunity in the Lindy Hop 2 class coming soon! I can say I’m looking forward more than ever to dancing with my special ‘her,’ wherever I manage to find her. I hope she picks up some dance lessons along the way; if not, we’ll be back in class.
Your thoughts (disagreement, flamers, hatemail, etc) are welcome.
posted by mindlab prime at 20:02
4 Comments:
How about learning dances with less suggestive moves? Watching the swing dances of Dr. Swing looks like more intimate fun with someone you would marry. My husband and I enjoyed set dancing in Ireland, and here at Woodruff Rd. is an English Country Dancing group meeting 2x a month in the gym. This style dancing would be more in line with what you grew up appreciating, I think. I can understand the thoughts you had at the Handlebar. You must remember that there won't be many Christians swing dancing there. I hope you find your special "her" before too long. "Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Re: dixiepilgrim
Yes, you're right about the videos. I will say that Dr. Swing (Jason, the instructor) is showing off in those videos; what we've learned is about a decade less advanced, and considerably less suggestive.
As for the company at the Handlebar, that's exactly what I thought when I first heard of it; I've since found that's not so. Apparently there are quite a few Woodruff Road'eys who are regulars, and at least one of the young married couples met there.
Certainly there are plenty of non-Christians in the room. There are also Christians whom I'm confident wouldn't be there if they were convicted that it was inappropriate. Curious indeed. . .
So the politely composed Ed tried swing dancing! That's a new one. Glad you had fun.
Although dancing is definitely a matter of culture, there are some forms that are just so sensually oriented (i.e. can-can, go-go, and maybe even belly-dancing!)I consider that kind quite questionable for unmarried persons to dance. Let God judge their motives.
In the Old Testament, the word for dance "hul" (as in "Praise the Lord with the dance...")is used. That refers to a whirling, as when Miriam danced around and sang with a tambourine after Pharaoh drowned in the Red Sea. I imagine it as a solo dance in praise to God.
Dancing with the opposite gender is never prohibited, though. Like you said, it's a form of communication, and an enjoyable way of getting to know someone. I've only tried English country dancing and loved it, and hope to try a some of Irish kind on my visit!
May your day dance...
Amy and I recently took ballroom waltz / foxtrot lessons ... I am not a dancer. I am like a fish out of water in that environment, even when I'm dancing with Amy! Also, the instructor made us switch partners all of the time, which made things a little uncomfortable.
This swing style dancing is tough!
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